I don’t claim to be an expert in this field but because of personal experiences I want to guide those that I can.
Verbal abuse can come from parent, spouse, boss, friend, child. It is a confusing situation to be in because, without the knowledge and understanding of this “violence”, you remain in an internal battle trying to decipher what is happening. What you need is knowledge, and as the saying goes, knowledge is power. And power is what you need to stop the verbal abuse.
I highly recommend reading every book by Patricia Evans on this topic such as "Controlling People", "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", "Abusive Survivors Speak Out".
If you are reading this article you are probably confused and needing some type of direction, or it may be just a fact of gossiping. Anyway, at least you'll take your time to decipher what I'm writing bout.
There are signs that will help you identify if you are caught up in a verbal abusive situation. Such as:
7 signs you’re in a verbally abusive relationship. These are from Patricia Evan’s book: Verbal Abuse, "How to Save Yourself":
• Do you spend your days with your spouse/person in your relationship wondering when the next little thing is going to cause them to “dump” on you?
• Do you tip toe around hoping to keep things calm?
• Do you constantly wonder what you are doing wrong to cause this person to act out to you in a way that is demeaning?
• Do you treat this person nicer and nicer in hopes that he/she will see you are a nice person and start treating you better?
• Do you find yourself emotionally troubled to the point of staying sick?
• Do you find this person picking fights with you over things that are insignificant?
• Does this person treat you wonderful in public, in front of family and friends, but once you are out of site of others you are verbally “attacked”?
• Does this person drive recklessly with you in the car when they have reached one of their anger moments?
• Is this person inconsiderate of your feelings, wants or desires?
• Do you feel like your self-esteem has been stolen?
• Is it your relationship getting you down?
1. He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week. When you ask why he’s mad, he either denies it or tells you it’s in some way your fault.
2.When you feel hurt and try to talk to him, the issues never get resolved. He might refuse to discuss your upset feelings by saying “You’re just trying to start an argument!” or claiming he has no idea what you’re talking about.
3.You frequently feel frustrated because you can’t get him to understand your intentions.
4.You’re upset-not so much about concrete issues like how much time to spend together, but about communication: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.
5.You sometimes think, “What’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t feel so bad.”
6.He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything, and his opinion isn’t stated as “I think” but as if you’re wrong and he’s right.
7.You can’t recall saying “Cut it out!” or “Stop it!”
- Proverbs 23:9 Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words. Have you tried to reason with your verbal abuser and got nowhere? That is because the abuser despises the wisdom of your words. Your abuser will not hear you or admit that you are correct in your observation of what is taking place. Your abuser lives in denial about their behavior. You CANNOT fix your abuser. They have to find help. Finding help means stating and admitting they have a problem with how they treat the person closest to them. And unless that happens, nothing will change.
- Proverbs 13:10 By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom. - Proverbs 14:14 The backslider in heart will be filled with his own ways, but a good man will be satisfied from above.
- Proverbs 17:1 to paraphrase- a house full of sacrifices with strife is not pleasing to the Lord.
Love is action, what type of action is your abuser showing you, actions that show love? Don’t let that abuser convince you that it is your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! The abuser cannot and will not take responsibility for their actions. You are walking on a road that will stay full of strife. Your abuser will not take the steps to search for God’s power to enable them for what needs to be done